Not a member of the mile-high club

I have to admit that I'm not a member of the mile-high club, and have no great desire to become one.

Aircraft lavatories are - in the economy class 'cabin' at least - barely big enough for one person to enjoy a leisurely crap without feeling restricted, let alone two people fucking.

Let's work out the geography here. Whatever position you assume, there's got to be enough room across the Y-axis for two bodies, so the space has to be 'saved' elsewhere, if you see what I mean.

I can't see the Amazing Omar (and his 'big 12') finding room to do it in the air, somehow.

Omar: Big 12

In fact, there's more room in the lavs on trains, so maybe I'll join the mile-an-hour club instead.

Wonder

OK, so the airline industry is going through a 'crisis' but is it any wonder when you look at the service on offer?

For example, a mate of mine was subjected to a humilating physical assault during his journey, just because they didn't like his shoes for some reason. What gives?

And airline 'food'?!? Most forms of public transport have worked out that people will generally pay unreasonable prices for simple ready-made sandwiches and crisps on their journeys.

Yet everything is free on the plane, people are hungry and yet they can't force people to eat the things. As soon as you take off, they announce that it will be their pleasure to serve you with a 'hot dinner' that will go almost entirely uneaten.

Biscuits

Or undrunken in fact, because everything is always so moist, like 90% liquid. Even the cream crackers. Heh, maybe that's where the term 'water biscuits' comes from?

You know how the aerospace industry makes special food for astronauts which is highly compressed, and with all the surplus liquid removed? Well I have a theory that the water is actually transplanted to all the airline meals.

Airline food is so watery that if they served it on a submarine, the hydrological pressure would go awry, and the whole thing would explode or float to the surface. I don't know.

Maybe the chance to avoid the in-flight meal is incentive enough to join the mile-high club, come to think of it. With someone I neither know nor like if need be.

'Oi you. Toilet. Now. Before the meal trolley comes down the aisle.'

I just hope that the hundreds of people who died on September 11th did so before their 'hot breakfast' was served. Otherwise it's a horrible final memory to take to the grave.