Untimely Death

Just as it did throughout his life, controversy has followed magician and street performer David Blaine to his untimely death this week.

Often astounding, often shocking, his unique brand of magic has never failed to attract attention, but never before has he had quite the same level of impact as with what was to be his last hair brained stunt.

First a little background information - his penultimate feat was a three day stay in a block of ice on Times Square, wearing only boxer shorts, and at the time his sponsors, The Catholic Church, were truly effusive:

Blaine: Professional

Very Cold

'Ice, you know, ice. It must be cold, very cold. How a man can stay in ice for three days we don't know. David Blaine we salute you as the finest trickster of our generation. I mean, it must be, well, must be, freezing, because ice is you know, erm actually freezing.'

The church poured thousands into marketing the event as the greatest stunt ever¹ but were disappointed with the reaction of the public. Initially the audience did gasp at the spectacle but this feeling of awe quickly evaporated as they realised that nothing was going to happen for three days, and that they too were incredibly cold.

'Admittedly we should have held the stunt in the summer' said the Cardinal in charge of publicity. More importantly, Mr. Blaines six stunt, $2 million deal was under threat, and the Pope himself ordered something with far more impact for his next trick.

Little did he know how literally the performer would take it.

Foolhardy

I caught up with a spokesman for the church again today and found him in rather more pensive mood: 'We now accept with hindsight that the trick was both foolhardy and in poor taste. However we were so impressed by the card appearing on the other side of the car window trick that we truly believed he could pull it off. He's a professional for God's sake.'

'We should have vetoed it as soon as he raised the idea of suspending himself from a skyscraper and have us fly a Boeing 737 into the building, but we believed it was all part of David's act and that it would all be an illusion. And therefore we accepted his insistance that the people in the office tower should not be told of the stunt.'

'Maybe we should've put two and two together when the Government approached us saying they had heard of a new missile and terrorist defence system we had developed. But we never once considered that that they were referring to David's trick, and we dismissed their investigation as jibberish and ignored it, as is Vatican policy with the requests of Governments.'

'Our thoughts are with Mr. Blaine's family and all the families of the two hundred dead.'

¹ Since that chap came back from the dead of course.