Wholely inaccurate and misleading
I believe it was Florence Nightingale who once said 'Let not your heart fail or your limbs and eyes be decieved'. (And by 'said' I mean that a quote was made up by me and attributed to her in a wholely innaccurate and misleading way.)
What oh where has happened to healthcare in the UK since then, hmm? I'm talking about the lies. The sordid, rotten, evil LIES that we're told about the NHS each and every day.
Florence Nightingale: 1820-1995
Waiting lists too long. Junior Doctors overworked. Nurses underpaid. Maternity Unit to close. Bed shortages lead to mixed ward horror. New Shipman probe: Shock findings.
You've heard the stories. And, I'll tell you now, there's not a word of truth among them. Old Wives' Piss, the lot of it.
Headline
You know, I saw a so-called 'news headline' the other day which read 'Grandma raped in hospital'. I was somewhat alarmed, and immediately rang my Mum to find out what had happened. Was Grandma OK?
Of course, it turned out to be a completely different old lady, not Grandma at all. I should've known - it was just another typical Health Service Lie.
I honestly don't know why the mainstream media keep up this charade - or indeed why the Government insist on continually fellating the NHS with big cash injections. Maybe they all get given free Methodone and cosmetic surgery and prosthetic limbs by the corrupt medics, who knows?
What I do know is that the Health Service is grossly over-funded, and are struggling to find faces to shoot their wad onto.
Dorothy Perkins
For example, the Greater Manchester Health Authorities gave every patient and member of staff £3000 worth of Dorothy Perkins gift vouchers last week alone. The week before it was Debenhams.
Boiled potatoes - for so long a staple of hospital food - have been taken off the menu, and replaced by nuggets of solid gold, just to soak up a little more of the surplus resources. Stapped for cash? I think not.
Many nurses even use a new needle every single time they administer an injection! Whoah, stop right there, I hear you cry.
So, I'm asking you, as an intelligent and astute reader, not to believe the lies any longer. The National Health Service is absolutely fucking rolling in it. There's no shortage of money, and there's certainly no shortage of staff.
Regular
The only thing that I possibly can see as being lacking - aside from honesty and decency - is a regular supply of patients to treat.
In fact, competition for the very few remaining sick people has become so intense that a Fracture Clinic in South London has resorted to ram-raiding other hospitals with a big ambulance in order to steal their patients!
Leeches: Leeching
And with Health Secretary Jack Straw handing out a whopping £28 million per patient treated, it's easy to see why they do it! Back in the 1960s, doctors always used leeches to cure all the world's ills - today it's the hospitals that are doing the leeching.
Anyone in the history
Why are we constantly reminded of the dangers of diseases that hadn't been known to kill anyone in the history of time until they were 'discovered'? AIDS, Psychiatrics, Deep Vein Trombonists?
I'll tell you why - because these 'new' 'illnesses' were not so much discovered as invented. Yes, deliberately invented by Doctors and Nurses and Porters looking to keep the supply of patients coming through their hospitals.
Waiting lists are now so short that in some areas, the average wait time has gone negative. I was recently introduced to a Mr. Smith who had to wait -11 weeks for an operation for his bowel obstruction. He underwent the surgery nearly three months before the accident with the shoe-horn.
With such persistent gluttony and excess, it's no wonder our health service is the envy of the rest of the world. And yet, if I went in to hospital tomorrow, asking for an instant triple heart bypass, I bet you a pound to a farthing that they wouldn't do it.
