I fear I'll kill again

Over the last seven years I have attacked and killed a number of women across the North of England, often painting a bloody swastika on my victims chests as a grisly 'signature' to my crimes. Now the voices in my head are telling me I have to murder 'George and Mildred' star Yootha Joyce - but she's already been dead for more than 20 years. What should I do?

Kimberly Bridge: If I had a pound for every time I heard this tale, I'd be able to give up my day job as a psychiatric consultant. Erm, except that then I wouldn't be hearing the stories, or getting the pound every time...

Anyway, the key thing here is that your self-esteem is very low, and consequently you despise your self-image. You have to learn to love the person inside you. Learn to accept and embrace the schizophrenic, psychopathic, serial-killing Nazi within.

And then turn him over to the authorities, fruitcake.

Dr. Mike Cunningham: We all hear voices. Every one of us. The important thing is to do exactly what they say.

My voices, for example, tell me to help old ladies across the street and solve decades-old mysteries. Yours may be slightly more agressive but don't let that deter you from carrying out the instructions to the best of your ability.

Now, as you mentioned, Yootha Joyce is indeed dead. But you can go some way to appeasing the voices, by thinking around this problem. Why not murder some other people who regularly appear on UK Gold or UK Gold 2 such as John Inman from 'Are You Being Served?' or perhaps maybe even Felicity Kendal from 'The Good Life'? Nobody really knows the difference between any of these old sitcom stars so just work away on whichever one you find first. Best of luck!

Ben Nunn: I suspect you may be allergic to dairy products.

Millions of people suffer from this condition, and it needn't be an issue, provided you make a few changes to your everyday diet and stick to some simple rules. I am sending some leaflets about lactose intolerance, and you will be able to find more information on the web, and at your local library.