Will you die this July?

Here's this month's monozodiacal round-up for every starsign on the astrological chart. It's a particularly good month for Aquarians, none of whom will die.

Aries: Decisions.

Taurus: Threshold.

Gemini: Direction.

Cancer: Beware.

Leo: Twat.

Virgo: Fired.

Scorpio: Chlamydia.

Saggitarius: Jeremy.

Capricorn: Otters.

Aqualung: Survival.

Pisces: Cheeseboard.