Neighbours to unveil new family

Producers of long-running Australian TV soap-opera 'Neighbours' have announced plans for new arrivals on Ramsey Street, and hardcore fans of the show will not be disappointed, for the new characters will be white, middle-class, heterosexual Australians - just like all the existing characters.

An as-yet-un-named family will make their debuts this Autumn, and viewers will be delighted to know that they are not set to significantly change the nature of the show at all - a move which will those concerned about rumours of a possible gay character, or perhaps someone of Aboriginee origin.

Neighbours has an exciting and dynamic history of respectible white, heterosexual middle-class people, and unchallenging storylines, and the new family will be no exception. 'Definitely more of the same' said producer Reg Grundy, 'Yes, definitely more of the same.'

Australia: Land of the free

We caught up with keen Neighbours fan 'Jim Robinson' (who changed his name via totem poll after a character of the same name who died onscreen in 1994) in Sydney. 33-year-old unemployed Robinson is a self-confessed Neighbourholic who regularly camps out outside the Neighbours studios in Grimsby, Lincs.

Straight

'Man, it's totally awesome' said Robinson, 'I've been speaking with the producers, and the new characters are definitely going to be middle-class, white, and straight. What a concept! It's unreal'.

'I just hope that they can blend right into Ramsey Street, and make instant friends with all the other characters - except it would be really cool if maybe the Man of the House didn't get on with one of the other male characters in the street, maybe Karl Kennedy, if they had a long-running feud about, I dunno, gardening or something. And they should always make sure to do an exterior shot of their house once in a while. That would be so sweet.'

Robinson then proceded to regale us with a lengthy discourse on the history of the show, including a video presentation, accompanied by an individual synopsis of every episode, and detailed character biographies.

Felicity Scullay aka actress Anne Haddy

The Aussie soap has always been more successful in the UK than in it's homeland, particularly since the introduction of Harold Bishop (Ian Smith) in the 1980s. The most popular character of all, he is British by birth, and for many years was the guitarist with Herman's Hermits.

Radical

Teen actress Holly Valance who joined the show in 1999 as Felicity Scullay was able to offer us a sneak preview: 'I think it's great that the producers are introducing radical characters who are just like the existing cast'.

'Without giving too many suprises away, I would imagine that this family will be a married couple, with children. Other Ramsey Street residents would regularly be dropping by their place, that they would always have a big jug of orange juice in their fridge, and that they'd keep their breakfast cereal in a strange plastic container. Like all characters, they'll routinely pop into the Coffee Shop and Lou's pub, but will often leave suddenly without ever finishing their drinks.'

With the producers and cast members all behind the exciting policy of continuing the familiar Neighbours formula, the new, same old storylines should ensure continued ratings victories over rivals Home and Away. Moreover, with all this top quality Antipodean broadcasting in the offing, it's clear who the real winners are: The viewers.