Shower of Shite

Leading biological warfare experts are warning of a possible new terrorist threat that sends a new chill through an already uncertain world.

The nation is on high excrement alert, after Middle-Eastern terrorists pledged an al qaeda (literally meaning 'shitty war') on the west, and there are now very real fears that Afghanistan's ruling Taleban might have the capability to inject British clouds with poo - thus raining hot shit on any part of the country they choose.

Bin Laden: Evil

The country would have little defence against such an attack from the skies which could reduce our civilisation to that of the middle ages, when lack of sewers and generally poor hygiene meant that the streets were filled with steaming, festering turds. And piss.

Charismatic

The evil Talebans and their charismatic leader, Osama Bin Laden have been looking for new ways to attack the West, and with British clouds among the least secure in the World, this would make us an easy target for any faecal attack from their terrorist network.

The very largest kak-proof umbrellas in the country were all sent to Israel in the 1990s, after fears that they would be the victims of such an attack from the Islamic world. It would take at least three months to return the brollys to their British bases, while shite showers against us could be orchestrated in just minutes.

With millions of the population covered in poo, the clean-up costs would be enormous, not to mention the increased death-rate from living in such unsanitory conditions. Aid agencies are being urged to limit the amount of food supplies being sent to the region, in order to keep the quantity of shit produced to a minimum to reduce the potential impact in the eventuality of such an attack.

Bin Laden: Deadly

Meanwhile, other intelligence experts were warning that Bin Laden might be planning another series of attacks similar to those that devasted New York on September 11th.

Tall

'Just because airline security has been stepped up doesn't mean that the threat has been extinguished' said a senior CIA spokesperson. 'There is every chance that these people could hijack a boat or train, and crash that into the top of a tall building'.

There are also reports of the US sending thousands of construction workers to Afghanistan to build the Taleban a magnificent World Trade Center of their own - just so it can be destroyed, to teach them a lesson and let them know how it feels.

The war on terrorism is not proving easy.