Talebanned

BBC Radio have announced that they will not be giving any airtime to a controversial new charity single in support of Afghanistan's ruling Taleban, due for release on Monday.

Future Number One?

The song Osama Bin Laden - a reworking of the 50's classic 'Good Golly, Miss Molly' features an all star cast, and is tipped to go straight into the charts at No. 1 next week, even without support and airplay from Radio One, as militant Islamists based in the UK look set to buy up every available copy.

All profits from the sale of the record will be sent to finance the Afghan government, as they bid to defend themselves from Allied airstrikes and the threat of the opposition Northern Alliance seizing power.

Moira

A star-studded enesemble is fronted by the unlikely vocal pairing of 15-year-old Royle Family star Ralf Little and newsreader Moira Stewart, but also features a number of the country's top musical talents.

Ali Campbell and Earl Falconer of UB40 appear on guitar and bass respectively, while the line-up also includes the Pet Shop Boys' Neil Tennant on keyboards, Def Leppard's Rick Allen on drums, and Roy Castle on the trumpet.

The song will be produced by Pete Waterman, and the CD will feature a number of remixes, courtesy of Paul Oakenfold, Basement Jaxx and the Orb.

The single's release is seen as a last-ditch effort to keep the Taleban in power following the terrorist attrocities of September 11th, the aftermath of which has seen very few Middle-Eastern nations standing tall as Talebanian allies.

The Taleband: All star lineup

Perhaps

And with the mainstream public generally supporting the sustained bombing campaign against the Taleban regime by UK forces, the British Music Industry is facing a highly embarassing situation, while any celebrities involved in funding a jihad are likely to jeopardise their personal popularity, perhaps to the point of threatening their careers.

'This is not about us, it's about THEM.' said former Ultravox and Visage singer Midge Ure, who provides backing vocals, 'Many people in their comfortable Western lives don't realise that there are some countries that can't even afford the most basic chemical and biological weapons.'

He shakes his head sadly: 'Every day a terrorist training camp the size of Brazil closes due to lack of funding.'

Something Going On

Ironically, although he is the subject of the song, Osama Bin Laden was keen to distance his own al qaeda network from the recording. 'We knew that there was something going on in a recording studio in London' said a spokesperson, 'but in all honesty, Bin Laden has more pressing concerns at the moment, like hiding in caves and producing his own LP.'

His debut album Osama is tentatively scheduled for a pre-Christmas release in the UK, and while it cannot boast the same all-star lineup as the charity single, it is sure to appeal to Bin Laden's many die-hard followers, if not the casual buyer.

Meanwhile, the government are urging people not to buy the new Taleband single, even if they quite like the song. 'You will be funding terrorism itself' warned Defence Secretary Tom King, 'So please don't buy it - even if you quite like the song'.

The last time the entertainment business encountered this level of controversy was back in 1979 when Roy Wood and Wizzard topped the charts with 'Set Hindley Free'.