Turkeys vote for Christmas

The nation's turkeys have voted in favour of Christmas for the first time in the 127 year history of the British Poultry Association.

Turkey: Succulent and Delicious

As the 15,000 turkey delegates on the BPA carried motion 37 by 7,683 votes to 7,098, a margin of 51-49%, there were scenes of violence, in-fighting and angry sqwarking in the conference hall.

Majority

Although the majority was marginal, the most significant development in poultry politics for many years, and although senior cocks at the BPA have claimed that the association will be united behind the decision, it is likely that there will be splinter groups of rebel turkeys who wish to avoid being eaten at Christmas.

But obese Norfolk-based fictional celebrity producer of turkey products Bernard Matthews said that he was glad the creatures had finally 'seen sense'.

'I understand that these birds have had a lot on their plate recently. Now perhaps we can have more of them on our plates' he joked. 'It's a victory for democracy, and will ultimately improve relations between man and meat.'

A long-standing hate-figure of the BPA, Mr. Matthews courted controversy in Christmas 1999 when he remarked that 'Charlotte Church should stick to making kiddie porn'.

Meanwhile, with reports that chipolata consumption will be up 30% this Christmas, there is talk of a new trade union being established, exclusively for pigs' arses.