Spoon Fed

Hugely successful Pub-chain JD Wetherspoon are believed to be stepping up their ambitious plans for global domination, after a London man revealed that he spends around thirty hours a week in their outlets, and that the only food that has passed his lips in 2002 has come in the form of wethermeals.

Donald Wharfer, a senior librarian with a global investment bank, first made the revelation in a letter to Mr. Wetherspoon himself, Tim Martin, after realising the sad reality of his gastronomic life in mid-March.

JD Wetherspoon: Sucessful

'I was having lunch with a colleague in the Sir John Oldcastle in Farringdon, just like I do every day', says Wharfer, 'when it suddenly dawned on me that I had probably been to at least one JDW Freehouse every day this year.'

Wethermenu

'When I thought about it a while longer, I worked out that I hadn't been to any other pubs, and I certainly hadn't visited any other food outlets. I never eat at home, so therefore everything I had consumed this year must've come from a Wethermenu'.

'I wrote to Tim Martin to ask him If I'm his most valuable customer, and jokingly asked if I could maybe win a prize, a free meal or summat. His PA wrote back to thank me for my co-operation, and informed me that phase one of Project Moon was proceeding according to plan. Whatever that meant.'

Donald lives in Highgate, North London, and pops into his local The Gatehouse almost every night, normally staying until closing time, and partaking of a Half-roast chicken or a mixed grill at around 9:15.

A keen supporter of Leicester City FC, he travels with his brother-in-law to home games, where they have lunch at The Last Plantagenet, and when they go to an away fixture, the nearest Wetherspoons is always sought out.

Wetherguide

Wharfer has now visited over 60 different JDW pubs, and has recently started ticking them off in the official Wetherguide.

A delicious healthy meal - or you could eat in Wetherspoons instead

'Some people might say it's a bit sad that I've spent so much of my time in these places' says the intrepid Wetherhunter, 'but they are good honest pubs, where I know I can go and have a few pints and a meal. Twice a day.'

With more than 500 outlets across the UK, Wetherspoons are known for their competitive prices and special value offers or Wetherdeals. An extensive range of drinks, including exciting guest ales is complemented by a food menu, available from 11 AM until 10 PM, which is bland and unchallenging, yet reassuringly familiar.

'You know where you are with Wetherspoons' adds Wharfer, 'Yes, that's right; You always know where you are.'

Already the fastest growing company in the country, Wetherspoons plan to run 1500 pubs within the next five years, while unofficially Tim Martin has said that he would like to see 50% of the population eating and drinking exclusively in JDW outlets by 2012.