First ever soul transplant successful

A 57 year old American man has become the first ever recipient of a new soul, following a successful transplant operation in Geneva.

The Human Soul

The patient is said to be in a 'serious but stable' condition following the 16-hour operation - the first of its kind to be attempted - although the risk of rejectation by the new organ will remain with him for the rest of his life.

The decision was taken to attempt the experimental procedure only after he suffered an unexpected soul 'attack' yesterday morning during routine surgery on a fractured hernia, and a suitable donor - a devout Mormon who gave lots of money to charity - had just been admitted as a car-crash fatality in the adjoining wing of the hospital.

Perhaps the final frontier of modern medicine, the procedure for transplanting a soul is far riskier and more complex than any other transplant, because their is a danger that the organ will 'escape' and fly off to heaven, therefore the operation must be carried out immediately following the death of the soul donor, and preferably while they are still alive.

People

If the patient survives the night, additional research will pave the way for regular soul transplants, which is potentially life-saving news to the thousands of people currently suffering from cancer of the soul, also known as emphysema.

The essentially harmless condition affects approximately 1 in 10,000 people, and is currently only treatable by the drug Invirase, commercially available as Beecham's Cold and Flu remedies.

But medical and religious communities are deeply divided over the ethical dilemma of transplanting souls from human donors, and there was uproar in 1997 when a consultant animatologist suggested that a human could receive a pigs soul, which could potentially leave the patient with a prediliction for eating swill and rolling around in their own shit.