Summer Wonderland

Australian Prime Minister John Howard has given the strongest signal yet that his country are finally prepared to move Christmas to Winter, in synchronicity with the rest of the World.

Howard: Compromise

For almost a century the country has stood alone, controversially celebrating the season during the Summer, making a bad mockery of the traditional 'White Christmas' values established over 2000 years ago when Jesus Christ was born in the deep midwinter in O little town of Bethlehem, and the three angels brought Frosty the Snowman from Jerusalem.

But the Aussies now look set to move in line with us, trading their beach barbeques and reindeer-skin bikinis for snowflakes, roasted chestnuts, and mulled wine as part of an ongoing compromise towards global standardisation.

Gradually

Under proposals put by Howard to his cabinet this week, Christmas would be move gradually over the next three years, and would be fully in line with global Yuletide standards by 2005.

This means that next year, they will celebrate the birth of our Lord in early Autumn, and in 2004, in late Autumn, eventually reaching the correct time of year in time for the Nation's Bicentenary.

Howard's tenure as PM has seen Antepodean reformity on a massive scale. Many people forget that prior to 1990, children in Australia could only be naturally born to gay couples, and it was illegal to commit crimes.

And if the restoral of the Christmas Season proves successful, the Australian Government will almost certainly begin the abolition of their countries other peculiar customs, such as eating their lunch at midnight, sending Old Age Pensioners to school, and fellating Baby Kangeroos.