The Stiltshire Web

Channel 4 Television is facing fiscal crisisness, after a contestant on Countdown announced plans to sue the channel for damages of £1.5 million.

countdown The popular Channel 4 Programme

Dyslexic Caroline Pollard of Warrington, Cheshire has accused the Channel of discrimination because her inability to spell words correctly resulted in a low score during her appearance on the popular teatime quiz show last March.

Pollard was beaten by 90 points to 7 (her haul of points coming entirely in a single numbers round), but insists that the result was invalid, due to the game's rules being skewed heavily in favour of her non-dyslexical opponent, Parvindar Vadai.


‘It’s not my fault that my spelling is unconventional’, she explains, ‘the important thing is that I’m able to communicate effectively in my everyday life.'

'My spellings of words are as valid as any in the OED, and it just so happens that the way I spell words like ‘ecksampel’ and ‘driiyvess’ would’ve scored maximum points every time. Dictionary Corner have a lot to answer for’.

Caroline, 38, is head of English at St. Francis Xavier School in Runcorn. She has one husband, John, also a teacher, and is a keen Labour voter.

Sir Richard Whiteley Whiteley: Suit

Suit-wearing anchorman Richard Whiteley felt unable to comment on the situation. 'I'm not entirely sure I remember that particular contestant', he told us, while drinking tea, 'No, wait... was she a great big fat person? The one who got a very low score? No, I don't remember her at all.'


Meanwhile, co-presenter Carol Vorderman described the contestant as 'a sore loser' and 'a bloody spastic'.

'It's political correctness has gone quite mad', added the gorgeous mega-brained mathematician, 'I don't see how her sueing Channel Four will make a single child safer from the clutches of these evil paedophiles.'

Compensation with

The Pollards solicitor, Lawrence Digestive believes they will win their fight for compensation with C4. ‘We have a very strong case for compensation', he remarked, 'A very strong case.'


Crisis in the classroom >> READ >>

Countdown bosses are still recovering from the effects of a court-case three years ago, when they paid £750,000 damages in an out-of-court settlement, after a baby in the audience choked on two numbers from the bottom row.

And Channel 4 are no stranger to Lawrence Digestive's presence in legal hearings - he has successfully brought prosecutions against them on four seperate occasions for assault through the medium of television, most recently after he felt offended by the portrayal of gay men as overly promiscuous stereotypes in Queer as Folk.